About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
