Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
