i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
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You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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