Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
