Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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