he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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