Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
