college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you win again, gameday.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
