I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I need moral support for this bender
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
