I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
