My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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