belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
