i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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