Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
