I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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