I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
