I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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