i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
