I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
