you guys were way drunker than both of me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
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My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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