I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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