youre lurking in front of me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
