i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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