she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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