youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
