I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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