I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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