i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
