so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she smelled like a LAN party
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
