Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
