Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
