I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
BRING THE BAGELS
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
