pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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