The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
