your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
