3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
