Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
worst night to have a conscience
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
