Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
