there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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