lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
