It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize