So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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