Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just want to make out with him forever
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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