My liver just broke up with me...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
