I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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