He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
