We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
