I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
