You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My bed smells like the plague
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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