I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dick very happy bro
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
