My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Two words: blizzard sex
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
