Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
