Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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