i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
