Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
