can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
