She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
