Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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