I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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