i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Come on in and take your pants off
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