My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
