I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
