you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
