can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
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I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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