Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
