i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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