don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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