Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
